Dark Squad in the Secrets of Saltmarsh
Session #072: Sir Humphrey's Glorious Business.
Dark Squad (in alphabetical order, no egos here).
Daktari (played by Haggis) Male Human Uthgardt Sky Pony Barbarian Lvl 7
New Tricks (played by Bear) Male Tabaxi Warlock Lvl 7
Ramshambo (played by Kev) Male Half-Elf Rogue Lvl 7
Vincenzo (played by Haggis) Male Shifter (Wildhunt) Druid Lvl 7
NPCs
Inverna Nightbreeze (played by Goonalan) Female Wood Elf Fighter Lvl 7 (Sidekick)
*Trapped in the Land of the Bad Dead Ancestors.
Servants/Familiars
Gerald (Bat/Giant Bat) servant/mount of New Tricks
Owly (Owl) Vinnie’s familiar
This is session 72, lots of chatter in this one, a bit of a fracas, and then, but, well- you’ll see...
So, we’re parked outside of the door of one Tracticus Halfpipe, Chief Engineer- a dwarf, no doubt, from back in the days when this place was up and running. This place being some sort of forge producing sheets of adamantine, a long long time ago... possibly, probably.
A whispered voice (speaking in dwarven) from behind the door ahead made mention of the ‘hands’, you remember that? However, a/the whispering voice also spoke to Daktari, but not in a language the barbarian can understand (and he too understands the dwarven tongue), so- two whispering voices? What gives?
This look familiar?
As predicted the start of this session is mostly a phat chunk of chatter, the subject- the door of course, in precis-
Vinnie- “We shud leaf it all-own, it iz not fer uz!”
Ram- “Are you mad? Or just yeller? We’re here to investigate this kind of thing, not opening the door is not an option.”
Newt- “YES! Brave Ram! That's the spirit!”
But the more Vinnie keeps on talking, and cajoling and persuading, then… well, eventually a bit of ground is given; the option taken is, as Ram puts it (with a sigh)- “okay, let’s investigate the rest of this level, see what we can find, then we’ll talk again about the door again, no doubt.”
[Initial door chatter 100 XP]
Note the Dark Squad are also aware that level below this one is the great dwarven temple to Moradin that was recently home to a bunch of undead (including a bone naga), Ian with one I, Vernon Hucrele and the Kraken. So, they’re not in mad rush to head down their either (some of them) just in case some of the above are still about.
However, and we’re already 20-30 minutes in to the session here, Newt also has something to say, or rather to discuss with his best friends/compatriots.
Note, Newt is very complimentary to his colleagues throughout this instalment, it’s his new tactic, I think.
The warlock states-
“I’ve signed us all up for an expedition to Avernus, character building and all that- my Master Humphrey Far-Fer-Nar has insisted we ALL go, so… I just thought I’d keep you in the loop.”
The debate/argument (call it what you will) that follows rumbles on for quite a while, and grows edges at times, although I am happy to report that Newt handles the situation remarkably well.
Just to note Humphrey spoke to Newt about the Avernus jaunt all the way back in the big fight with the Kraken et al.
Back to the chatter.
Ram is not happy at all- “No-one is effing telling me what to do”, etc. etc. and he’s a little confrontational, of course.
Vinnie is even more vociferous in his reply, there’s a lot of- “I will not be part-e to zis ter-ree-bul vent-chure”, and something like- “I will not consort wiz ze de-mon and dev-ils yew call frends.”
But again, it’s a little more heated than that, the pair seem to be very pissed off with the tabaxi warlock, but as I say, Newt remains remarkably calm and capable throughout.
“Yes, I hear you Vincenzo- there really is no need to shout. I understand what you are saying but I fear you are just shooting the messenger. I have no doubt we will be going to Avernus, by hook or by crook, as I say- I just thought it would be polite to let you know in advance.”
Eventually Ram agrees to debate this subject at a future time and place, his main concern (latterly) is- “What’s in it for me?”
He's a pragmatist at heart is Ram.
But the what's in it for me line was something I (your friendly DM) could work with.
Vinnie however isn’t going to work for demons/devils, his last words on the subject, “Count me out!”
Daktari just shrugs along, and Inverna is getting paid for this- so, she’s a mercenary at heart.
[The Dark Squad are (maybe) going to Avernus 250 XP]
Then the Dark Squad, still in a bit of a huff, head out to explore the rest of this level of the dungeon, as it were. The rest of this level however turns out to be one partially collapsed corridor off of which there are three broken cells, and… a trio of shuffling skeleton dwarfs.
The undead are destroyed in seconds.
Say goodbye.
[Some skeletons 150 XP]
There’s nothing else to be found in the area.
Further exploration therefore takes in the region of ten minutes, after which time the Dark Squad are back before Tracticus Halfpipe’s whispering door.
And… yet more chatter follows.
But it is curtailed quickly when Newt persuades Daktari to pile a bunch of wood and other combustible materials before the door.
Note the tabaxi (during his persuading- see above) is very complimentary about the barbarian’s hair, big muscles and can-do attitude. The warlock (as stated previously) is trying a new approach with his colleagues.
New Newt however is causing even more consternation for Daktari, as the barbarian states to Ram- “Newt is even more frightening when he is being nice! I do not like it. Although it is true what he saying about my hair.”
[Newt charms Daktari 150 XP]
So, an attempt is made to burn the lead that is sealing the door shut, this however doesn’t work as well as Newt expected- it’s very slow going. Therefore, after twenty minutes of fiddling with the process, and not improving it any, the warlock clears away his companions and ignites his Wall of Fire. Thirty seconds later and the lead seal is gone, and… SPUNG.
The scalding hot door expands, warps and springs open.
[Wall of Fire- door open 200 XP]
Ram observes the chamber beyond for a while, but no-one is actually getting too close to the doorway at this point, the PCs are all hanging back and waiting for something terrible to emerge from the room.
It doesn’t, of course.
The rogue can see shelves within, and a cabinet, and… a large metal cage, the cage looks to be intact- but empty. That's never a good sign.
This last fact doesn't go down well with many of the PCs.
The Dark Squad therefore wait a while for things to cool down, and then… Ram first, as always, they head on in- actually it’s just Ram and Vincenzo that get into the chamber, and the pair are sufficiently at the ready to spot the bad thing as and when it happens.
Ready?
Something falls from the ceiling and lands with a splat between the pair, the thing is an undulating ooze like creature that is constantly changing shape and form, or else birthing from its bubbling body badly formed heads and faces, each with a gaping toothed maw that stretches and snaps at the two adventurer observers.
Then, lots of things happen at once, and mainly because the (much-improved) gibbering mouther rolls very high for its initiative.
A fist-sized blob of sputum is expectorated from a maw, it sails through the air narrowly missing Vinnie in the doorway, and explodes just outside of the chamber, instantly blinding in a phosphorescent flash Newt, Daktari and Vinnie.
The mouther then bites (with several maws) the druid and attempts to haul him to his knees.
Moments later and Ram and Vinnie are in further trouble, the ground beneath their feet becomes soft and clay-like- the rogue sinks a good six inches into the… stone.
He’s stuck, can’t move.
Then a head/face/maw combo emerges from the glutinous terror, it’s the head/face of a dwarf- Tracticus Halfpipe, as it happens, the dwarf whispers its secrets at the pair (although in random languages). The aberrant's other maws however start up their all-encompassing cacophonous babble.
Ram is suddenly very content to listen, although he appears to his friends (at least the ones that can still see) to be just standing beside the beast, smiling and… a drooling idiot at present.
DM interlude- there was a lot of consternation in the ranks at this point, and keep in mind the mouther (although the PCs don’t know this) has the best part of 200 HP.
Things go from bad to worse.
Seconds later and the mouther recharges its spittle attack and does it again- and now just about everyone is blinded, Newt is also content to gurn moronically and listen to the babble.
Tracticus Halfpipe has let himself go.
But here’s the thing- the only damaging attack the mouther has is its bite, it keeps on hitting but…
The Dark Squad, eventually, get their act together.
Vincenzo turns into the Moon Boar, and then (still blind) runs away- into a wall, but outside of the area of effect of the aberrant. Inverna, once she is no longer blinded, also retreats; same for Newt, these three start taking pot shots at the mouther.
And even at -5 to hit and with disadvantage (the mouther is through the doorway, on the floor, and with a blind barbarian stood before it bellowing wildly and swinging recklessly- see below) they still hit it more often than not.
The Dark Squad are going through the gears.
Meantime a blind Daktari has been guided into the chamber by his companions, although that isn’t as easy as it sounds- the barbarian had to make a DC 10 Perception check (with disadvantage) for every five feet of his movement, to try to feel his way around the wall- or else discern what his colleagues are shouting, and then follow their instructions.
Initially Daktari wanders around in a small circle for a while, but eventually he makes his way into the doorway, and to the beast.
He failed his first six or seven checks and then never failed another one, bugger.
Ram, meantime, has started to make his saves, and to nip in and out of the combat stabbing furiously at the beast, but all the time retreating away from the beast. This while blind Daktari with rage, frenzy & reckless all running, keeps on slicing.
Moments later Newt helps out by Deafening himself and Ram, he also cast the spell on Daktari but the (raging) barbarian will not submit to the warlock’s dark magic, and so attempts and makes his saving throw, and thereafter spends every second or third turn drooling and standing statue.
But eventually…
The gibbering mouther is done for, ending its existence with a verbal tidal wave, a cacophonous blast of gibberish.
Basically the DM had lots of things for the beast to say, but the PCs barely got close enough to hear the it’s whispered clues to the plot (or else they were deafened), so I had to improvise and get them said somehow.
[Gibbering mouther 2300 XP]
So, what did the mouther say, well, lots of things- some of them silly, but also things like-
UB! UB! UB! UB! UB!
The Time of Ash!
The Swallower of the Light!
I know your secret Durgeddin the Black!
Through the Fire to the Light!
It's full of Stars!
Waiting for the Moon Man!
THE GREAT WYRMMMMMMMM! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
&
The Man & the Crocodile! It's there...
Y'know, that kind of thing, and of course a lot of this stuff gets the PCs to thinking, and a majority of the above comes courtesy of Vinnie, the druid has an anthropologist background, and so he's picked up a number of languages on the way.
[Last words and whisperings of the Mouther 250 XP]
So, there's that lot to contend with.
But there's more.
Tracticus' chamber gets searched, and the most obvious thing to be found here is... well, see the picture below.
TAO.
The big writing (bottom right) says “TAO”, the stuff bottom left says- “The Supreme Being”, the Dark Squad, after a lot more chatter and a few rolls, are of the opinion that this is a crude map, corridors and rooms shown only. Possibly its a burial mound, hence the circular bit, or else...
Well, they're not sure really.
The diagram is scratched into the far wall of the chamber.
[Tao 250 XP]
The Dark Squad figure that it's important, as was the stuff that the Gibbering Tracticus Halfpipe Mouther was saying.
But, there's more.
Treasure!
Lots of it, plenty of coin (by which I mean a couple of hundred gold) a few gems and the odd piece of jewellery (all dwarven design) and a trio of magic items- a pair of slippers of spider-climbing, a luckstone and a pair of eyes of the eagle (all require attunement, of course).
Note, none of the magic stuff above is obvious, I'm not that sort of DM, but Newt puts Leo's Hut up, then Vinnie gets going with the Detect Magic ritual, followed by an Identify or two from the warlock. The Dark Squad have time on their hands, and they have a system- and this DM loves a system.
[Discovering the magic stuff 150 XP]
A few of the items get diced for and distributed, then... we go on, after a little light healing.
Down into the former home of... well, lots of bad stuff the last time the Dark Squad was here, and so- as always, Ram is sent out to have a nosey-around.
The place is much as it was, the remains of the naga and the skeletons are strewn about, but of the Kraken- not a sign, except for the new-ish rubble and destruction, also no sign of Vernon Hucrele- the holy warrior's body is gone.
Ram comes back to tell his friends, and then gingerly, oh so gingerly, the rest of the adventurers head on back in...
The slow creep back in.
At some point during this my Fantasy Ground Unity started to lock up, mainly due to the fact that the PCs on the map are all moving one square at a time, all of them, and all at the same time. It was very cautious, but eventually...
Before we get to the second door there's the balcony.
Over the far side of the ancient dwarven temple to Moradin is a second balcony, and on it the treasures of the naga, so... more loot, including an unidentified potion and a handful of magical arrows.
Then there's the door.
After checking the altar, and the statue of Moradin, and all around the area, the Dark Squad get to the door, just to the north of the statue. It's obvious that there's an entrance/exit here, and yet the key hole, cleverly hidden within the carvings on the wall, has to be located by the rogue.
The door however still remains a huge slab of stone, and the likelihood is it doesn't swing open, best guess it sinks into the ground. So, this is a mechanism.
The rogue, after a few more wise-words from his friends, and a little Guidance from Vinnie, tries and then fails to open the portal with his lockpicks. The consequences of which are a sudden wash of... well, something, three of the five PCs make their saves, the other two immediately spend inspiration points to try again- they both succeed.
So, something just happened, but they're not sure what.
The door, of course, remains shut.
Just to make clear, the Dark Squad know that beyond this portal is Randall the Black, so- they're keen to get it open, but at the same time not that keen to get it open.
Ram takes another moment to assure himself that the lock here is of masterwork manufacture, and therefore incredibly complex.
But that's not the issue.
“Magic users, you're up!” Ram hails Vinnie and Newt, and then steps away from the hefty stone portal, he's convinced that magic will play its part in the opening of the door, or else something needs to be doen about the magical trap on it.
Seconds later Newt rolls a '20' on his Arcana check, and so after a further ten minutes perusing the door the warlock has this to say-
Newt gets to work.
“It's secured with a lock, of course, but also an Arcane Lock- which will need to be removed. Also, there looks to be some sort of permanent magical trap present, I don't know what it does but I think it's most likely unpleasant. Perhaps the magical trap could be dispelled too, perhaps...”
Note, the Dark Squad have searched their various belongings, and racked their brains (with a little help from the kindly DM) but they do not possess the key to this door, nor have they ever seen it, the DM assures them. So, the situation is pretty much as described.
And again, the Dark Squad are not in a rush- it's also been a long day so far, it's evening time back up top where the sun shines.
Time, therefore, for a long rest- the motive for this is not just that Vinnie needs some new spells, but also- the PCs will be level eight when they awake.
So, Leo's Hut, everyone snuggle in, only... thirty seconds later and the cravat and smoking jacket wearing Humphrey Far-Fer-Nar presents himself for inspection.
“Toodles catkins, just thought I'd pop by...”
There follows some very fine role-play, mostly from me (LOLz), Humphrey is becoming a favourite, he's urbane, witty, well-spoken, posh and... nothing like me then.
“So, I can of course open the door for you, right now- if you are of a mind, collective or otherwise.”
There follows lots of sneering and polite condescension from the spiteful druid, kidding- Vinnie is very polite and very middle-class about the whole thing. Wanting to call Humphrey out for being scum, aka a devil or a demon, but at the same not wanting to rock the boat, so spending much of his time apologising for the things he's not saying. Also, great RP.
It gets to this-
“I have an deal for you fine and adventuresome folk. I'll open the door for you if you promise to come to Avernus with me to do a little 'job', and when I say little, I mean that you will be 'in action' for less than two minutes in total. You're job will be to keep a bunch of clowns off my back while I recover a long lost family heirloom. That's it- you hold the door, I fetch the doohickey, and then we ching-ching skedaddle. Oh, and to sweeten the deal I will give each of you whatever you ask of me, providing it is within my power, and providing you ask now, and we agree the deal.”
There follows a little more churlishness from the druid, his hackles are still up- and Vinnie (Jim) is doing his chatting in Moon Boar form and so his voice is French meets snorting tough guy (but not all that clever sounding).
Note, by this point in the encounter Newt has started to refer to his master as Sir Humphrey, and he's such a suck-up.
Try this with whispered menace-
“That's right, Sir Humphrey, you tell them.”
Then, Ram breaks ranks and does a deal- he wants to know the name of his father, and Humphrey can work with that, as can the DM.
Then, because Humphrey is focussing on the PCs one by one, Daktari cracks- the barbarian fetches out a pack of nuddy lady playing cards, he found them in a bandit's lair- ages past.
“I will do it if I spend night with all of these ladies, putting up shelves- I hammer good!”*
*Note, before this one gets misinterpreted, Daktari spent a night with three dryads back in session #59, he did lots of DIY for them, reinforcing one sexist stereotype but... not another. Daktari is mad keen on DIY, obviously.
Humphrey, after a little more chat with Daktari secures the barbarian's pledge.
Inverna is on board providing she's gets paid, so that's easily done, pledge secured.
Newt, well at this point the seven foot tall tabaxi is lying before his master having his tummy (possibly) tickled.
Note, it's Newt that eventually delivers the title of this session, this after Vinnie Moon Boar has finally consented to the Avernus outing.
Vinnie, eventually, gruffly states-
“I want nothing from you, I am no part SNUFFLE of this deal. I will go to Avernus with my friends to see that they stay safe. Nothing more SNORT nothing less.”
So, Newt's last line, and apologies if I miss-remember any of it, but it made all of us laugh a lot at the time.
“I will follow you to hell Sir Humphrey, and give my life to protect you while you do your glorious business.”
[Sir Humphrey's Glorious Business 250 XP]
At some point Ram, and the DM, have to look away.
The deal is done, although the kicker is, of course, the Dark Squad don't want the door opening until the morning, when they rise and shine eighth level.
So, Humphrey will be back then.
Look, they're all inside the tent (hut). Ain't that nice.
[Doing a deal with Sir Humphrey 500 XP]
But that's when the session ended, and we're on a week off again next week, Christmas and family stuff intrudes.
The Dark Squad’s to-do list reads a little like this-
1. Go down again- back into the deep dark depths, and then through the door, Randall the Black is down there.
2. To the Moon Pool.
3. Goblins in the Dreadwood.
4. Nightshade in the Dreadwood.
5. To Blackedge, find the Goblin Stair.
6. Return to Fallowstone Holy for answers- the Witch’s Tor & the Pact of the Flame.
But we'll revisit this list sometime in the future, no doubt.
Stay safe and well you lovely people.
Cheers the Dark Squad and goonalan.
